I bet he comes in French.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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