Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
