I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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