I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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