sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize