I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
