Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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