dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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