There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
