My friends, they love my intelligence
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
