At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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