Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
