id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dear god my vagina.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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