Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This baby is an asshole
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
