drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
