If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
