foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
