Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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