I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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