took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
