i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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