she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
