come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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