PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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