Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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