the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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