Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
