Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I supernannyed him into submission
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
