was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
