can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize