I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
