am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
