ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize