We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
