She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
