chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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