I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
