I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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