maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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