So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
