i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize