I'm really into asian looking animals
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
