Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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