Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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