After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize