Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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