When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
