I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
