i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
