I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The uberlube is also flammable
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
