trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
