Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
