That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
