meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
