well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
