You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
