gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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