We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
