I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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