Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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