A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
