Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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