she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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