end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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