What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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